I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
