he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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