Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So much Jack, so little girl.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
