Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
