I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
