Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
