I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
no, he came in my armpit
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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