Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
