nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
