Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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