I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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