pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
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Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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