i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
