Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
