I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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