After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
