my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
