she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
