I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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