not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
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She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
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So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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