If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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