Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
