you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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