Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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