There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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