did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
We named our party play list daddy issues
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
