its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
