I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
