My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
