Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
