you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
