oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
