I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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