you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
