I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
