If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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