he shaved USA in his pubs
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
