So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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