Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If I die, sorry about rent.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
