The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
