Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
