I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
