They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
