I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
