I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
