i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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