I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
