I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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