brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My bed smells like the plague
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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