Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
