i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
