This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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