Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
