Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
