your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
