If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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