you guys were way drunker than both of me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
