he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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