No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
