I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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