the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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