true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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