We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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