so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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