Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
