he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
