do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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