Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
