There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
