I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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