i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he shaved USA in his pubs
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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