that's an acceptable place to lick
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
