Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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