Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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