I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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