she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
not ubering you a puppy
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
