Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
