When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
