My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
